by Donna Hubbard, BeDynamic Life Coaching

After chatting to both clients and friends who have become mothers in the past couple of years I have come to realise the variety of challenges that women face after having children. It is these precious feelings of the amazing mothers who I have been lucky enough to either know personally or come into contact with through my work as a Life Coach that inspired me to design specific coaching support for mothers. One such area is returning to work after maternity leave which I would like to explore with you in this article.

Returning to work after having children can be extremely daunting. Whether you are going back to a previous role, taking a new direction or even considering starting your own business, this turning point in your life can leave you having quite an extensive soul search. So how can you enter this transitional stage of your life with a positive mind set?

Firstly…You Have So Much to Offer

It is easy to doubt yourself and your skills after taking a career break. Being a full time Mum is incredibly rewarding yet it can also leave you feeling a little isolated and cut off from a ‘working life’ as you once knew it.

A client of mine was struggling with her confidence after returning to her previous job as a Manger after maternity leave. Her team as she once knew it had changed completely as the majority of the staff had left to further their careers whilst she was on leave. This together with company structure changes meant that she began to doubt whether she would be able to settle back into her role and do a good enough job after being away for over a year. Eventually she focused on developing her confidence at work and sure enough it soon became apparent to her that not only did she still have her repertoire of skills which she had built up over her career, but that she also had a new ‘edge’ that she could bring to her role that being a mother gave her. For instance, she found that she was less affected by ‘office politics’ and had a better sense of the bigger and more important picture. This outlook had a very positive impact on her and her new team.

You can regain confidence in your abilities by reminding yourself of all of the qualities you have as it is easy for us to overlook our attributes and take them for granted. A good way of doing this is to take some time to reflect upon and write a list of all of your strengths, achievements and skills (SAS) as writing these down can help us appreciate each aspect of ourselves fully. Perhaps a good time to do this is when the children have gone to bed so that you can really focus on you. Then look over your list and identify how these characteristics will enable you to thrive at work and enjoy this part of your life.

If you find it difficult to identify your SAS (and it is very natural and quite common for people to find this exercise hard at first) then think of a) the things you find easy to do and b) the things you enjoy doing. What characteristics does this demonstrate? Another trick is to pretend that you are looking at somebody else’s list of the things they find easy to do and that they enjoy. What kind of person would you say this would make them?

You Deserve to Feel Great

When undergoing any major change in our lives such as returning to work after becoming a mother, it is paramount that we enter that situation with the strongest sense of self we can muster. These moments are full of the new and with that comes room for self doubt to creep in as we become anxious about how things are going to go. Being a mother and selflessly putting your family before yourself for a lot of the time can leave you feeling that you have lost a sense of who you are as an individual. To regain a strong sense of self, or to fill up your cup as I like to say, ensure you spend some time nurturing yourself by:

• Doing the things that you love doing without feeling guilty for having some me time,
  
  
• Recognise what makes you YOU and how you positively impact those people around you,
  
  
• Be mindful of your strengths, achievements and skills. As stated above write these down and be certain to give yourself recognition when you demonstrate these great qualities day to day.

The Guilt Factor

You will have very good reasons for returning to work. Whether due to financial needs or because you have a desire to follow your own path alongside motherhood (or both) your decision will have been a long thought out process.  Nevertheless, feelings of guilt at leaving your child or children with others can be overwhelming.

Another client of mine who is a single parent was racked with feelings of guilt at leaving her daughter in the care of both family and a nursery to return to work full time. Her decision to go back to full time employment was so that she could provide a secure future for her precious little girl and create savings for things such as holidays and even University fees. Through the emotional roller-coaster of dealing with being away from her child and embarking on a new career, the one thing that kept her going was the thought of the lifestyle she would be able to provide for her daughter in the future. Within a few months she was really enjoying her job and the money she was earning meant that she could do all of the things with her daughter that she wanted, such as a fun packed weekend away to Dorset.

To help you stay positive so that your return to work can be as happy and healthy as possible for you and your family, keep in mind the positive reasons of why you are deciding to go back to work. Writing a goal of where you want to be in a years time will help you see that going back to work is a step towards achieving what you want and will benefit both you as an individual and your child or children.  Include lots of detail so that every time you read it you feel inspired to strive ahead with your career and thrive from it.

24 Hours is not Enough

There are only 24 hours in a day and sometimes this just doesn’t feel like enough. Being a mother and spreading yourself across all other roles you may play in your life (daughter, partner, friend, sister to name but a few) can be very hard to juggle. So the thought of going back to work can fill you with dread as to just how you are supposed to get everything done.

The key thing is to not fall into the trap of giving yourself a hard time and to take comfort from the fact that it is impossible for you to be in all places and all things to all people at once. You can master time and use it not only effectively but to your advantage by being realistic about what is really possible to achieve in one day. Take a Time Audit and ask yourself:

• What are the most productive activities I do in a week?
  
  
• What would I say were the least productive things I spend time on? How could I reduce the amount of time I spend on these things?
  
  
• What would help me to get more of the important things done?
  
  
• How can I ensure I have more quality leisure/relaxation time both with my family and some ‘me time’?
  
  
• How can I reduce my stress and anxiety levels so that I can feel good and enjoy life?

A fresh look at your use of time can support you in your return to work by helping you make more time for what is important and reduce those activities that not only drain the hours but your energy too.

If you are going back to work soon and are feeling anxious about the prospect then you are not alone, many women feel the same as you do. During this time it is important that you draw upon the support around you within your family and friends and take one step at a time. All in all, remember that you already have what you need to achieve a successful and happy return to work inside of you, you just need to harness it. 


Donna Hubbard is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of BeDynamic Life Coaching based in Wimbledon - www.bedynamic.co.uk Donna is passionate about empowering people to feel great about who they are and live their lives to the full.

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