Motivating Mum UK

I often get comments on this blog and on my other social media sites from men, dads or not, who would like to join in with Motivating Mum activities.  For the record, all men are welcome, to attend events, join in, participate on the blog and also submit blog posts.  As long as you are happy in a mum-friendly environment, I don’t care if you are male, female or other, single or attached, with or without children (your own or someone else’s).

To illustrate the point, here is a guest post from Terry Murphy, who is, (shock horror!) a man…

Women’s business clubs, Mums clubs, mumpreneur networks and blogs, am I allowed to join in?

I personally don’t belong to any ‘men only’ clubs, in fact I am not sure if they still exist.  I certainly don’t recall seeing any business clubs or networks advertised for men only.  I suspect if there were any, they would be berated as discriminatory by many, including women.

So why are there such entities specifically for women?  I actually believe there is a great place for them and this is my take on why.

There are still plenty of men who believe women could not possibly contribute and would (or do) overshadow women in business meetings and business situations.  Good reason to keep that particular breed away.

But more than this, women have a particular way of thinking, interacting and problem solving that many men do not always appreciate or understand.

Of course there are plenty of men and women who comfortably transcend the divide between our genders.  But, to avoid confronting any who do not have this appreciation, it is more pragmatic to simply say “women only”.  It saves time and effort allowing real progress to be made.

The sharing of common struggles is another reason, but are there no men out there who share similar struggles? I think for example of the single Dad.  Facing many of the day to day challenges of being a working Mum, the single Dad often has even fewer peers. Men’s men may think he should have left the children behind as baggage to the other half.  Real men would not!

Women friends (of the couple) may well be more inclined to maintain the relationship with their ‘girl friend’.

Mums are so used to chatting to other Mums at the school gate, that a single Dad is an anomaly, looking out of place and best avoided.

How does feminism and equality fit into this?

I remember, one extraordinary week as a young bachelor, I had 2 first dates on successive evenings.  Extraordinary in itself but not as odd as the contrasting experiences.

On the first night, I took my date to a pub.  I opened the car door for her and got a glare.  As we approached, I reached forward and opened the door to the bar…another glare.  Within a few minutes of sipping the first drink (which I bought), I was facing a tirade of virtual abuse for being chauvinistic.  The date did not last long.

The following day, the next first date.  Undeterred, there was door opening and I paid for the evening.  At the end of the evening I was invited in for coffee (no euphemism, just coffee).  We were sitting in her living room enjoying a cup, when she got up to leave the room.  A moment passed and I realised she was standing by the door behind me.  I turned around to “aren’t you going to open it for me?”.  That relationship too, did not last long.

I was brought up as a gentleman (an expression that seems to have died).  But that inevitably put me close to the brink of chauvinism.

I like to think I survived those confusing times and now have a better understanding.  Still a gentleman, still sensitive, but too old to be counted as a metrosexual.

Now I work in this particular domain.  With women, indeed Mothers, who run their own businesses (Mums and Business).  I work well in this environment because I am now of an age where I can be regarded more of a father-figure.  What girl doesn’t love and respect her poor old Dad?

There is a place for men in the all female domain of the Women’s Business clubs, its just a matter of what value he can bring.

Terry Murphy is an author, business mentor and partner of Mums and Business.  A single dad, he is learning (always learning) to balance business and family.