Motivating Mum UK

A few months ago I posted on behalf of Regis Salons, introducing Emma Willis as the new face of Regis salons and announcing a great competition.

Not only did Regis run a competition for the public to enter, but they ran a competition for bloggers too, and I was one of the lucky winners.  The prize was a trip to the flagship Regis salon in Debenhams on Oxford Street, a hair consultation, cut and colour by Regis Creative Director Guy Cammarano , a pedicure and a lovely lunch at the Cumberland hotel.

During this day I was joined by the very lovely Emma Willis herself, and also by three lovely bloggers, Pippa from A Mothers Ramblings, Jules from Curtains for the Window and Becca from Fashion Train. Read the rest of this entry »

By the end of half term last weekend I was at my wits end as to how to keep the two occupied.  We had done craft activities indoors on the rainy days, visited Grandma by the sea and gone to the pier amusements, been out to eat once or twice, played games and just about everything else I could think of.

Then my daughter had the idea of going to Hampton Court, which is reasonably close by for us.  She is learning about the Tudors this year in school, so wanted to go and get a bit of a history lesson.

I knew that my son wouldn’t last long indoors, doing a stately home visit – he seems pretty indifferent to historical artifacts at the moment, but I thought I could tempt him with the maze, the gardens and the lovely cafe.  He wasn’t happy, but the decision was made.

We did his stuff first.  As expected he did love the maze – whenever we have been before its has been too cold or wet or both to go outside, so that was fun for both of them.  Then my daughter enjoyed taking pictures in the gardens, while my son just enjoyed running about in the huge open spaces.

Lunch was everything we could have wished for – apart from the queue. Sausage and chips and an enormous cupcake on special offer for the children.  My toad in the hole was pretty special too.

Then we headed off to go inside the palace, stopping for ten minutes or so to watch the antics of a Tudor jester, juggling, stilt walking and fire-eating. Fun for all the family.

As expected, my son didn’t last very long inside the house and was soon whiny , wanting to go home.  He enjoyed sitting in the banqueting chair and running up and down the big staircases, but he soon became a bit of a liability.  Before long, we had all had enough and headed outside again.

We came out in a part of the gardens that we hadn’t seen before.  A fabulous tree-lined avenue with autumn leaves falling like confetti.  We stopped to watch a heron catch and eat a fish,  then I reminded them of the old superstition that you get a happy day next year for each falling leaf that you can catch.

I really must make a note to myself that sometimes I try too hard with parenting, and maybe I just need to consider the simple things.  I played leaf catching with them for ten minutes, then when it was clear they were having lots of fun without me, I retired to a bench and just watched them.  They played happily for the best part of an hour, running and leaping about – my daughter helping her brother with his catches. Then they sat down on the grass together, deliberately out of my earshot, rested and nattered happily.

Watching them, I was transported back to my own childhood, a much more natural, unhurried and ordinary one, than what seems to be the norm today.  I spent ages at the beach and out in nature, collecting stones, flowers and insects and watching clouds, while my mum kept a safe distance and allowed me to explore and develop.

Sometimes I need to get my children off their treadmill and take them back to the simple things in life, for that is where true contentment can be found.

While I am away in New York, I have scheduled a couple of guest posts.  Today’s is from Theresa Lawrie-Ashton of Mums and Business

Day one

The boys playing in their rooms.  OK Breakfast – Dressed – Wash – Teeth.  A new routine for my youngest little boy, his first day at pre-school.  In his new sweatshirt looking cute and his painting shirt in hand. (daddy’s old shirt). Very exciting for my nearly 3 year old.

What about me? 2 ½ hours of cleaning planned.

Walking to pre-school, picking up sticks and stones, chattering about the day.  Hand in hand we go in. Bright eyes taking in everything, his grip gets tighter as his helper comes over to chat. “See you later, Love you” I say with a smile.  Off he goes watching me with his big blue eyes.   I wander out with tears dripping off my chin.  What do I do?   I sit outside for 2 ½ hours. Just in case.

Day one

The boys running around and playing.  OK Breakfast – Wash – Teeth and Dressed. (Leaving Dressed to last)  Toothpaste down the uniform is not a good look.  New routine for my big boy, 1st day at school.   New uniform, shoes, painting apron, (another one of daddy’s old shirts) and a book bag with his name on it.

Very exciting, for my nearly 5 year old.

What about me?  3 ½ hours of cleaning planned.

Off we go, collecting sticks and stones, chatting about the day. Hand in hand across the playground.  A tight squeeze of the hand from Jake and a smile from mummy we walk into the class. A hug and “bye mummy see you later” So I leave. Yes tears as I walk home alone.  What do I do?  I sit at the table until it’s time to go and collect him.

Day one

The boys are chatting. They dress and eat breakfast. Then pack their bags.  You know the one they packed last night.
New routine for my nearly 11 year old, 1st day at senior school.   “Are you ready” I shout.  “Not yet” the reply, “I’m just doing my hair”.   I smile.

With 7 minutes to go we get in the car.  No sticks, stones or chat. Taking it all in his stride, because he’s nearly 11.  Out the car shouting “Bye mum” and he is gone.

OK I sit for a minute. Yes a little tear.  I know he will be fine but What about me? I go home and clean.

Day one

I wake, with no noise.  I get up and walk to his bedroom.  My nearly 17 year old starts another routine today. College, “Breakfast” I ask.   “Please mum”. His reply.

He’s Showered, Hair and Teeth done (I hope), Dressed, Bag Packed, Lunch made. He sits on the kitchen side chatting while I make him a sandwich to take with him for breakfast.

Jumping off the side, ready to catch the bus.  No hand to be held today.  We hug “bye mum”. “Take care; Call me when you get there”.  I ask. Then he is gone.

So here I sit at the table with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.

What about me?

My day is planned and organized. Next stop after blowing my nose is to start work.   Helping mums who work from home, with strategies, to grow their own business while bringing up great kids.  www.mumsandbusiness.com.

What a difference a few years make.

I’m very proud, that I am a mum who is running her own business.

I’m very proud of my children as they grow into adulthood.

I now know the answer to What about me?
To my boys.  I will always be your mum. Xx

Another great blog prompt from BritMums.  This one prompted all kinds of responses from me.  However I am going to use the very first one that I thought of, and you can all judge me as you will.

Ironing is pointless!

I don’t do it, I won’t do it and I don’t ever intend to start!  There, that’s got it off my chest.

I often hear the mums at the school gates moaning about the mountain of ironing that they have to do.  I tend to nod and mumble something in agreement and pretend to be part of the sisterhood, but the fact is that this particular form of female slavery has just passed me by and I refuse to do it.

When I used to work in an office I used to choose tops and suits,  which though smart, did not need ironing.  I hung them straight out of the wash or dry cleaners and that is all.   I met my husband at work – one day I had a job interview coming up and he offered to buy me one or more smart shirts.  I told him I didn’t wear shirts as I refused to iron them.  He said that he would buy me the shirts and he would iron them for me personally.  So he did – both of those, and if anything absolutely needs ironing in our house he continues to do it to this day – I love him dearly for it.

However the fact is that very little does get ironed in our house.  I now wear casual clothes exclusively and don’t see the point in ironing them.  I do very little ironing of school uniforms – can any of you tell when the little ones come out of school which of them were ironed when they went in?  As for underwear and bed linen – I just don’t get it…  I accept that getting into a bed with freshly ironed sheets is a lovely feeling, but that lasts for maybe 15 minutes on the first night, just until you fall asleep.  After that it is gone – not worth wasting the time ironing them.

My mother despairs of me – she is  very much of the old school.  When we go there she insists on ironing all the children’s clothes including their pants and socks, tut-tutting at me all the time.  But she doesn’t run two successful businesses from home – people ask me how I do it and that is one of the ways….

Admittedly I do have a cleaner now – she does my husband’s ironing for him, and will occasionally iron something of mine on the odd time when I think I can’t get away with it.  That is my choice to work hard and pay her.

So there you have it – rant over.  Is anyone else in the anti-ironing camp or is it just me?

I love these BritMums Blog Prompts – gives me an opportunity to write about something completely different and to write about something I’m passionate about (again) and hopefully somebody might just read it….

When I saw this prompt – my face lit up and I knew exactly what it was.  I just can’t live without ……singing!

I’m in the clip above (in pink, in the front….)

I love singing, in church, in the bath, in the car – even when I am out and about (I am trying to curb these tendencies as I’m aware they may make me look a little odd but sometimes it just sneaks out despite myself!).

However, when I think of the subject of this post, what I really mean is I can’t live without my weekly rehearsal with the English Chamber Choir.  For six hours between 6pm and midnight on a Tuesday night, I am not Mum, I am not anybody’s wife, I am not Motivating Mum or the Cambridge lady – I am just me, Debbie, doing something I absolutely love.  I get on the train with the other commuters coming home, and go up to London.  Sometimes I sit in a coffee shop before rehearsal starts (the second thing I can’t live without is coffee) – the silence and tranquility is just amazing.  I do my singing, uplifting body and soul, and return to my family, a happier and saner mummy.

The singing holds me together and makes everything else work in my life.  My family don’t quite get it, but even they admit that its true – I’m nicer when I’m singing….

Every so often I go up to give a concert and the very fact of performing and making other people happy is just amazing.  If I had it all to do again, I would have been a professional singer – but then I guess I wouldn’t have met my lovely man, nor any of you lot – so I can honestly say, I’m happy as I am, as long as you let me sing just once a week…..

I can thoroughly recommend to anyone who is stressing, running a home and/or a business and finding it hard to juggle (guess that’s most of you at BritMums) that you need to find a little bit of time, just once a week, when you do something just for yourself.  As I have found, it can make all the difference.

And if any of you like to listen to my kind of music and live near London, you can catch me singing here

Did you ever have one of those days when nothing seemed to go right? A day that started wrong and just got worse and worse.

I had one today. You don’t need to know all the details, but it started with a 45 minute wait in a hospital outpatients queue only to be told that they couldn’t deal with me today, and I would have to make an appointment and come back another day. That put me behind with my other things I wanted to do this morning – but some of them had to be done anyway, Even traffic lights seemed to go against me and by the time I was finished doing what I absolutely had to do, I had missed my exercise class. It was the kind of morning that just leaves you stressed, cross and frazzled!

This is the kind of start to the day that would normally drive me to the biscuit tin. I know for some people it is the wine bottle, but for me it is definitely chocolate, biscuits or cake. This is the kind of day that can lead to an almighty binge because “I really really deserve it”. Before you know it you have not only had a rubbish day but you have fallen off the diet wagon and chucked all your plans for self-improvement out of the window. You end up just feeling rubbish, both physically (overfed and undernourished) and mentally (guilty, angry and frustrated.)I don’t know how many of my carefully laid plans have been derailed by days like these – do you get them too?

On my quest for self improvement, I am trying to look at things differently. Bad things happen, sometimes they even happen more than once in the same day. But that doesn’t make it a bad day – it’s just a day, same as any other. It is not an excuse to eat differently or do anything differently at all. As soon as possible you need to re-establish control over your routine and get back on track, the sooner the better. That is the way to regaining your sanity and not making a bad time worse than it is.

I do know that, really I do. And I am trying….but what really happened today?  Well I ate sweets in the car coming out of the hospital and going about my other appointments (I’m worth it) . As a result I wasn’t hungry at lunchtime and didn’t eat enough. SO now at teatime I’m starving & have made some slightly wrong choices, including chocolate and wine…..

But in mitigation, I did get back in charge of my schedule and did some really productive work instead of the tail end of the exercise class and lunch, such that I was pretty much caught up with what I planned to do by the time it came to go singing tonight. And I was organised enough to bring my writing gear out with me so I could put together a blog post while travelling up to choir, instead of just staring into space on the train.

I am thinking about things, monitoring myself, and learning from my mistakes. Tomorrow I will be straight back on track, including back to the exercise classes.

Days like these – I know I’ll still get them – but hopefully they won’t get me!

One of the things I really want to do is publish a few book reviews on this blog.  Some of them are books about business, some of them about parenting, some are books for children and some are novels.

I have sent out several books to be reviewed by guest bloggers so look out for some more reviews on this site over the next few weeks. If anyone is interested in reviewing a book for me and blogging about it then please contact me and I will send you the latest list of books to review.

However I shall start the first review myself -the book is Love You Mum by Gillian Campbell.

“Stop trying to be the mum you think you should be

 Start enjoying being the mum you are”

This book is described as “a guide to creating and maintaining a resourceful mindset through those first few years of being a mum.  A chance to uncover or re-discover the lost parts that disappeared into the depths of the stresses and strains of motherhood.”

My children are a bit older now – 6 and 8 and I can hopefully say that the worst years of parenting are behind me (although I guess some of you will tell me that I haven’t seen anything yet….). I certainly feel like I have re-emerged from the abyss when they were small.  Having been thrown slightly against my will into the full-on stress of stay at home motherhood, I know exactly what Gillian is talking about and the reasons she wrote this book.

Gillian says “The book is for Mums who perhaps end more days wishing they hadn’t snapped at their kids and their partners more than they had laughed and loved the challenges they faced.  Those who dive into the escape of a glass of wine or internet site or a reality TV show at the end of each day, rather than spending more time with their partner or putting steps in place towards the goals they dream of achieving.”

If that sounds like you, then help is at hand.  Gillian provides lots of useful mindset exercises and things to ponder, to help you out of the horrible trapped, stressed exhausted or defeated mindset that some mums can get themselves into.

She uses an acronym,

A TRUTH, taking you on a journey through the following steps:

• Awareness
• Thoughts
• Reality
• Understanding
• Take response-ability (sic)
• Habits

Each section of the book comes with exercises – things to think about and write down.

Reading the book now I can nod sagely.  Some of these points would certainly have helped me when I was going through the worst of the toddler years. Some of them are even helpful now, and I have done a few of the exercises, jotting down or at least thinking carefully about my replies.

The only drawback I can see is that when I was going through the worst of it, I would not have considered that I had time to read a book or to do any of this stuff.  The stress at the time was all-consuming, so when I did get a moment to myself, I generally went to sleep in an armchair.

I would have loved to have had a resourceful friend to help me though this stuff, when my little ones were small. The book would have been a help, a coach would have been better still.  But I know that my experience is not everybody’s experience and I’m sure there are a lot of mums out there that would gain great comfort from reading this, whether or not they could spare the time to formally do the exercises, or whether they just thought about the answers in their head.

I suppose the best thing is,  if you are reading this and you know a mum who might be struggling at the moment – please buy Love You Mum for her. It might be the best present you ever give her.

Gillian Campbell is the founder of www.theonlymum.com , a forum for mums who feel isolated and trapped by some of the experiences of motherhood. She is happily married, a working mum for two small boys and a black Labrador called Wilson

Competition

I have a copy of Love you Mum to give away.  If you would like to receive a copy please leave a comment on this blog post and tell me what is the best piece of advice that you were given when your children were small?

If you would like to receive notification each time I do a Book Club post, then please click here.  If you would like to suggest a book for review then please leave a comment on this post

I know some of you will be thinking that I am four months early, but bear with me……Now that my children are back at school, my life seems to revolve round the school year. I buy an academic year calendar for the kitchen, so I have just taken the old one down and put a new one up.

Also, having spent the summer in downtime, planning, September always feels like a rebirth, a new season for my business, and also for me. This just seems like a more sensible time for me to celebrate New Year, so I would just like to say Happy New Year to you all.

So having got that out of the way (you probably still think I’m weird but hopefully you have decided to humour me)  I have decided to make my New Year’s Resolutions now. Part of me always feels January is the wrong time anyway – it so dark and cold and miserable – very hard to get up and find the energy to commit to anything new. If I make the resolutions now and get started on them, I will be in a much stronger place come January.

So here for the record are my New Year’s Resolutions – business and personal.

1 To grow my social media following and interact better and smarter and more personally with you all

2 To move my business as far as is feasible onto the Cloud, to prevent a recurrence of the tragedy that engulfed me in July.

3 To find ways to work smarter and more efficiently and to stop giving my time to unproductive activities.

4 To finally once and for all, declutter my house, and set up routines and tidy habits that will make my whole life run more smoothly.

5 To look out for and act on money saving tips and advice, cutting down on wastage throughout my home and business

6 To eat healthily and take regular exercise.

So far so good. But I also know that all the productivity gurus reckon that one of the best techniques when setting goals is to hold yourself accountable. So for that reason, I am going to be sharing snapshots from my journey towards these goals on my blog.

I hope to share with you the hints, tips and tools that I have found the most useful in achieving the goals above. Once a month or so, I hope to do a wrap up blog where I will set out the progress I have made in each area. I hope to be able to inform, inspire educate and entertain you, as I journey towards my goals in these areas. I would also be very happy to hear your advice and anything you can share that will help.

Is anybody else setting goals at this time of year? What are you committing yourself to, and what are you going to do to make this the best year ever?

And so last week we set off on the annual summer holiday to Ireland with the children. Although we live very near a major airport we have discovered through trial and error that we very much prefer to go by car and take the ferry. A long car journey with the children is not everybody’s idea of fun, but we have found its better than air travel, even though it takes longer.

Firstly some of our relatives in Ireland are quite remote and we like to have our own car for the freedom it gives us to do our own thing. We have tried various car hire options but you never get a car that is quite as comfortable & familiar as your own – this is crucial when you are travelling with children. Plus I absolutely love the idea of taking as much as you like, packing everything in the car only once, then not touching it again till destination. The constant humping of suitcases and security that goes with air travel these days is enough to put me off forever.

We can pack large toys and games, great for entertaining the children away from their home comforts. We can happily accept large presents from our Irish grandparents, which have caused real nightmares on previous visits by air. This way, giver and recipient alike are very happy.

The other thing we love about the car and ferry journey is it makes the travel into a great adventure. The kids love the motorway service stations, and as for the overnight ferry, with cabins, play area and disco – they are having fun from the moment we leave home till the moment we get back again.

The only downside to this plan, has been keeping the children entertained, over what are some very long stretches of driving compared with what they are used to.

When they were very little we had endless nursery rhyme CDs – they drove us mad but the kids sang along until they were blue in the face. When they got a bit bigger we invested in an in car DVD player. This worked to a certain extent but was not suitable for some of the more rural roads we drove down, as unfortunately our children both tend towards travel sickness. This also rules out books, magazines, activity packs and games consoles in the car, which I know have been the saviour of many of my mummy friends.

For the most part we have had to put up with various observation and word play games, interspersed with plenty of whining and “are we there yet”. I have also had to listen to ever more excruciating pop compilations, as my children’s taste in music differs ever further from my own, and arguments as their taste differs from each other’s.

This year I had a plan. First of all I purchased some sea bands – this may well be a placebo, but both kids seem to think they help so who am I to argue? I think just the thought that I am trying to help their travel sickness helps them to feel better.

Secondly, they both feel less sick when they are able to suck sweets regularly. Again, I’m sure there is part placebo effect in this, and the idea of getting one over on mummy and getting more sweets than they are usually allowed, but they both know that if there is any whining or complaint of sicky tummies, the supply of sweets will stop, and so it works, for whatever reason!

And finally my secret weapon, new this year. I purchased a selection of audiobooks and loaded them up on various devices (in my case, iphone, ipod and ipad) so that each of them could listen to stories especially chosen for them, and at their own pace.

I thought this would buy hubby and me an hour or two of peace but the results were astonishing. From London to Swansea (180 miles and over 3 hours in the car) we didn’t hear a word out of either of them, apart from my son asking me to change the story to a different disk. It was almost spooky. Not only that but there wasn’t even the slightest mention of funny tummy and we only heard the dreaded “are we nearly there yet?” once, about 10 minutes from destination, because my daughter had spotted the port. It was without a doubt the easiest long car journey we have ever done.

I’m not saying that I would ask for total silence on every journey, nor that we will stop playing our word games or talking to each other, but on a family-visiting holiday like ours, where we may cover up to 900 miles in a week with long journeys every other day or so, it is nice to have a few of those journeys relatively peaceful and stress free. I would thoroughly recommend audio books to any stressed out parents.

For your information these were the most popular choices of audio books as chosen by my daughter (age8) and my son (age 6). I have put links to purchase all of them in the Motivating Mum bookstore.

Daughter

Little Women (13 hours of audio – great value)
Diary of a Wimpy kid

Son

How to speak Dragonese (read by David Tennant – one of a series)
Billionaire Boy by David Walliams – they both liked this one

First of all, I want to apologise for not being entirely there over the last week or longer. I’m well aware that emails have gone unanswered and things I promised to do have been left undone. I did try to soldier on, but unfortunately sometimes you just have to accept that you are only human.

I became aware that my ear was aching a bit around Wednesday or Thursday last week. I was treating it for blocked wax, and thought I was making progress. On Friday it was sore, but I just put that down to the treatment. I didn’t have time to be ill – far too many exciting things to do with the kids over the weekend.

Saturday morning I had an inkling things were not as good as I thought they were. Pain was a bit worse. But I was taking Grade 1 piano alongside my daughter (moral support, agreed a few months ago when she was struggling). I certainly wasn’t going to pull out now – soldier on – its what mothers do.

After the exam, I did trot down to my walk in centre and got some antibiotic drops and a job lot of paracetamol. The antibiotics made my ear sore but I figured that was just doing me good. Soldier on, it’s what mothers do.

A completely sleepless night on Saturday – paracetamol wasn’t working. Pain considerably worse on Sunday. But we were invited to the cinema in London to watch the premiere of The Smurfs. Both me and the kids had been looking forward to this for a while – not to mention the kind people at Ubisoft who had given me the tickets and would no doubt expect a review. Nothing for it, soldier on, its what mothers do.

Sunday afternoon I went back to the walk in centre. got some oral antibiotics to take alongside the drops and the doctor told me to alternate ibuprofen with the paracetamol for the pain. Antibiotic drops still hurting, oral antibiotics making my stomach turn. Another sleepless night.

Monday morning, the pain was considerably worse. But I had promised to give a Blogging for Business seminar. I couldn’t possibly let the mums down, nor Andrea who had organised the event. I took both antibiotics together, and the paracetamol and the ibuprofen at the same time, floated off in a doped up cloud of my own making and gave the presentation. I kidded myself that I felt better – in truth I wasn’t feeling very much at all. Surely the antibiotics would kick in soon…. Soldier on, its what mothers do.

Yet another sleepless night on Monday, by Tuesday morning the paracetamol and ibuprofen were certainly not working and my face had swollen up and gone bright red. Off to the GP who gave me two different antibiotics and some prescription painkillers with sedatives to help me sleep.

Finally, half an hour after using the new antibiotics, I felt things turn. My face came down again and some of the pain went away. A blessed relief. I started to wonder why I had allowed myself to put up with it and ignore it for so long. And then the total exhaustion hit me – both the lack of sleep and the sheer onslaught on my body from the cocktail of different drugs.

At long last on Tuesday afternoon, I gave in and allowed myself to have some rest. I stopped feeling guilty about it, turned the computer off, and sat in front of the telly while the children were at school. I cried off my singing rehearsal, and got in takeaway instead of cooking. Tuesday night I slept like a baby, but I have carried on resting throughout Wednesday and a significant portion of today. I have learned my lesson – my body needs to recover fully and I need to sit back and let it.

As mums we spend all our lives caring for other people but sometimes fail to care for ourselves. As business owners, we are always chasing the next thing, getting all the jobs done, pleasing our customers, making contacts. Sometimes you just have to get off the treadmill and listen to your own body, even if it means disappointing others.

Motivating Mum is going to be a bit quiet over the summer holidays. I’m going to concentrate on my sweet children and on having a great holiday. If you can’t bear to be without me, you can get a daily blog in your inbox by signing up for A Daily Dose of Motivation. I will do a bit of writing here and there and get myself ready for a whole host of exciting projects which will be coming your way in September. Watch this space…

Some women make a very positive choice to stay at home with their children.  They willingly give up work, and settle into a nonstop routine of domestic bliss, cooking, cleaning and raising their brood.  The loss of income and status from their job is more than compensated for by the glow of satisfaction they get from caring from their family.

Or so we are led to believe….

For some of us it is not so simple.  To start off with, in today’s economy, it isn’t always a free choice. Some of us find ourselves forced into the stay at home situation, by redundancy, relocation of their partner (as in my case), or simply because the cost of suitable childcare just doesn’t make going back to work a viable option.

Many women, forced into the staying home role, will do their best to make a go of it.  They will tell themselves that it is worthwhile and how wonderful it is to be able to share the children’s oh-so-fleeting early years.

And so it is some days.  When your child does something special – first steps, first words, learns a new skill.  When they hurt themselves and you are able to comfort them.  When you can take trips out on a sunny day, and visit children’s activities without all the schoolchildren and working families being there.  When you have one of those days when your child is being perfectly behaved, loving and needs and loves his mummy, then being able to stay at home, can feel like a total blessing.

But those of use who are living or have lived this lifestyle will know that not every day feels like that.  Particularly in the early stages, you can really yearn for and miss the working lifestyle that you had. At home, there are some very long, boring, lonely days, when you wonder if the chores are going to ever stop.  When your children are unhappy, whiny or incessant, it can feel like mental torture and you can long for them to just be quiet, and some adult conversation to stop you from going mad.

Then your partner comes home, asks politely “what did you do today?”, and you can feel angry, guilty or a failure because the story of your day is that you managed to get dressed, did some cleaning and you went to the supermarket .  You can see your partner thinking “Is that all?”, whether or not he says it, and somewhere deep down you agree with him.

I would like to hold out some lifelines to anyone who is living this life at the moment.

Firstly – there are a lot of stay at home mums in the same boat – most of them I expect.  I honestly believe that the totally contented nest builder is a bit of a myth -  I have certainly never met one.

Secondly – this stage doesn’t last for ever.  It’s a few years at most.  Before long they will have school and other activities and you will start to find more and more areas of  “me time”.  If you can just hold on to your sanity through the toddler years, you will emerge, a stronger and wiser mummy.

Thirdly -  there are a few things that you can do to improve the situation.  These are some ideas that worked for me, that ultimately led me to a lifestyle where I feel balanced and very happy.  My children are 6 and 8 now, and I feel like I have found a solution where I can enjoy them and enjoy being me. So here are my tips:

1. Recognise and work through any issues you have with the change in your status

   For me, leaving a Finance Director role to suddenly be a SAHM and not be allowed to work was horrid (see my story part 1 and part 2).  I hated not having my own money, I hated not being able to get credit in shops, and I discovered that I absolutely detest the word “Housewife”.My own solutions were not to use Housewife (I describe myself as Full-Time Mother, and never “just a mum”).  I needed endless discussions with my husband and an understanding from him that I would spend some of the household income how I liked and would not come to him for every decision.  I took a position of Treasurer on my local NCT committee, in order to get a small bit of the feeling of being useful. And eventually I realised that I needed to have some part time work and earn my own money, just for my own self-esteem.

2. Allow yourself to Daydream

   If you do not feel fulfilled in your current role of Stay at Home mum, but your current situation does not make it sensible for you to go back to your old career, then enjoy the fact that you can start with a clean sheet of paper.Spend some time dreaming -  in an ideal world, how much would you like to work, when would you like to work, where and how?  What kind of work would you enjoy doing?  What are your unfulfilled ambitions? Write down and ponder any ideas that come to you, however different and silly they might sound to you (see “How to pick your Business“).  If you have this exercise ongoing in your mind, then when you spot opportunities that might suit, you will be better placed to see them for what they are, and grab them.

3. Find some activities that are just for you

   When my children were very little, my “me time” consisted of having a hot bath for an hour every so often, with the door closed, hubby looking after the children, and me with a good book.  Later I joined a gym with a creche and was able to leave my children for an hour while I exercised.  Now I run a business during the day, and pay a babysitter one night a week, so I can go up to London and sing with a choir.  All these things saved my sanity.I would urge any stay at home mum, to find some activity that she enjoys, that has absolutely nothing to do with children or homemaking, and practise it as often as possible.  Take an evening class, learn a musical instrument, join a book group, poetry or writing group, drama, dance or art class.  Rediscover a hobby from your childless days, or start a new one. You could even volunteer. These things do not have to be expensive, but can give you something else to think about and look forward to (and something a bit more interesting to tell your partner about).

4. Get help
   
   My hubby is a lovely well-brought up , traditional Irishman.  In many ways I love this.  But once I started staying at home, he assumed that absolutely all the domestic duties would fall to me.  This was probably the biggest bugbear in the entire set up for me – I absolutely hate housework, and really resented doing it all while he helped not a bit. 

   Some guys can still be persuaded to help you even when they work and you are at home.  If you have a partner like that – take any help that is offered.  Delegate any chores you can to those members of your family who are able and willing to do them. For our family – I ended up taking regular part-time work for 3 hours a week, while my children were at nursery, and paying someone to clean my house while I did it.  This simple change improved my feeling of happiness immensely.

5. Network

   Whenever you can talk to other mums – online, or preferably in person. We are all in the same boat, and no matter what issues you are facing, there is always someone who has trodden the path before you, and will offer advice or comfort.  If you don’t have a child-friendly networking group in your area, then set one up. Have a look at Motivating Mum events or put a post in our forum.

6. Keep smiling

   Hug your precious children and love your partner.  Be thankful and grateful for the little things and the lovely stuff.  Some people think this is rubbish, but I love keeping a diary of all the good things and fun stuff, which I can refer to when times are not so good.  I also love looking through old photos.  Even though I hated parts of it at the time I now look back on the toddler years with happiness and pride, and feel so glad that I was there.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post, and any more tips and advice that you might have in this area. I wrote this for a friend who is living this at the moment, and I’m sure she will be reading, and would love to hear other people’s tips, advice and expressions of support.

My daughter took part in a concert a few months ago in aid of the British Association of Adoption and Fostering. In between the songs they had bits of narrative, from adopted children, adults who had been adopted, adoptive parents, and the mums who had given the children up for adoption. It was very moving and emotional.

One theme that came out very clearly was the interesting and wonderful bond that develops between adoptive parents and their children when the process works successfully. I know from some of my friends that have adopted children, that in the beginning it’s easy to feel a bit odd – not like a proper mum. It all feels a bit unreal, like you are just pretending or cheating somehow.

However the stories from the adults who were adopted and the adoptive parents later in life showed that a real bond of parenthood can grow between adopted parents and their children. Most people would say that their “parents” are the ones that raised and loved them, whether or not they are the ones that gave birth to them.

So what does this have to do with me?  Well I sometimes feel a bit similar about Motivating Mum. I go out and about meeting all you mumpreneurs and sometimes feel a bit awkward. Most of you have had your own idea and are building a business up from the ground, from an original idea. Even if you take on a franchise or distributorship you still have to make it your own and strike out in your territory.

When people ask me “How did you come up with the idea for Motivating Mum?”, or “How did you get started?” I have to say that honestly it was not my idea. Motivating Mum was set up by the incredibly talented Alli Price, who has now returned to her native Australia and set up a sister site there. I haven’t had to design a website, find my first customer, decide on products or prices – it was all done for me. In effect, I have “adopted” this business, which Alli very kindly left behind her when she emigrated. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time – answered an ad – and – there you have it…..

So there are times when I don’t feel like a proper mumpreneur at all, and I take my hat off to those of you who are really breaking new ground in your chosen fields. Sometimes I don’t feel worthy to stand side by side with you at all – I’m just a cuckoo.

And then again, as I start to really get to grips with the business and grow with it, I realise that my personality is starting to show through, and the UK business is really starting to form in my image. Mummy Mentoring Month for example – that was mine – building on a small idea that Alli had last year, I turned it into a great big festival of mentoring, which I think went very well indeed. I’m even feeding ideas back to Alli, and the joint business is growing together with great sparks from both of us.

So as I sit here in the aftermath of that, I can start to feel proud of my efforts, and realise that I am a real mumpreneur, even if my story is not the usual one. If Motivating Mum was a child, I think it might be able to call me “mummy”.

To any of you out there who think that for some reason, your business is not a “real” business and you are not really a mumpreneur, just sit back and take stock. There is no perfect business model that qualifies you for mumpreneur status. If you think you are doing it, then you are, whether “it” is making a few pounds of pocket money, or running a multi-million pound corporation from home (I wish). The big success stories get their stories published and win the awards and they inspire us, but for every one of them, there are countless thousands of small mumpreneurs out there just doing their little thing.

So go out there and be proud of your baby business, whatever its origins. I sure am!

by Lisa Talbot

I personally think mums are the most amazing women, does this sound like a typical day in your house?, I know it does mine!

• Get the children up
• Get the breakfast, feed the dog/cat!
• Get the children ready for the day ahead, toddler group, pre-school, school
• Do the school run
• Go to work if you are a working mum
• Pop the washing on, tidy the house
• Do the hoovering, do the ironing
• Get the lunch for non school children
• Do the school pick up
• Be the Taxi for the after school activities
• Get the tea for the kids
• After tea help with school homework
• Do Bathtime
• Do Bedtime stories
• Prepare for the next day
• Collapse in front of the telly if your lucky by 9pm!!!

It is not surprising if your day looks like this that the last thing you think about, as much as you would like to, is how you can look and feel great every day. I bet there are many of you who put on the same style of clothes every day…..just because it is easy?

To look good and most importantly feel great is not difficult, you just need a few key essential on trend pieces in your wardrobe to make you feel fantastic.  You really do only need a few items in your wardrobe to look amazing and different every day.

One thing I am very passionate about is that what you wear needs to reflect your personality and your lifestyle, if you know how to dress your body shape then this makes life even easier.

Audrey Hepburn said ‘Happy girls are the prettiest’

You can build a superb capsule wardrobe in a cost effective way, style does not have to be expensive, there are so many fab shops like H&M, Zara, Top Shop, Primark,Oasis, in our high streets which are brilliant for all types of clothing from Jeans,Trousers, dresses, tops etc. If your budget can stretch further then you have House of Fraser,Debenhams stores which I love as there are so many great brands in one store so it makes shopping  fun, even with a buggy.

I would recommend the following for this Spring/Summer 2011 season

• Jeans ( a soft denim ) or Cargo trousers or white linens or cropped wide leg trousers
• A dress, there are so many different styles in the high street, block colours, asymmetrical patterns or block colour great for any occasion. A shirt dress suits all body shapes
• An A-line skirt as this shape suits all body shapes or a pair of Culottes
• A silk/jersey short sleeve shirt
• A T.shirt with lace detail in a bright block colour,blouson style shirt in block colour or print
• A soft jersey jacket, can be a tailored or biker look
• A great necklace and bracelet that will go with many outfits

All of the above items will go with each other, the tops with the skirts and the trousers and the dress will sit as a separate garment.  The jacket will then go with all the outfits you create

Please don’t feel that as a mum you can only wear jeans or trousers during the day when you are with your children, experiment with skirts and dresses as these will make you feel feminine and sexy.

Make up for the busy lady

I know we all find make up a daunting area, we always wear the same foundation, same blusher etc.

My recommendation if you are short of time in the morning just use the essentials, a decent cream, liquid or powder foundation matched perfectly to your skin tone by an expert, a good toned blusher, again either cream or powder based, which one you use will be dependent on your skin type.

A black or brown mascara, wearing one extends the lashes and makes us feel very feminine when we look back at our self in the mirror.

And finally a lipstick or lipgloss.

These 4 little ‘babies’  ( foundation, blusher, mascara  and lipgloss )will give you a gorgeous natural look in the summer months.

Lisa Talbot is an Award Winning Personal & Fashion Stylist who believes that how you look has a huge impact on how you feel. Lisa is well known for being helpful, warm and friendly in her approach to helping you get a better understanding of the colours and shapes that will suit you, then apply that to your personality and lifestyle to help you develop a new or revitalise your wardrobe.

www.lisatalbot.co.uk

by Sumi Olson

Create a support structure which will allow you to grow your business and spend more time with your loved ones

Many women take up self-employment after they’ve had children because they believe it will allow them to devote time and care to their families whilst bringing in an income. However the extra work, stress and responsibilities can mean that the pressures of running a home and a business combined creates the very opposite of the life they’d dreamed about.

I’ve titled this piece, Because You’re Worth It because I wanted to emphasise that the process I cover here will help you to focus on something that is easily forgotten by women who perform a multitude of roles as well as run a business – your time and effort is worth something tangible. Treat it – and yourself – with the respect you deserve!

This is something that I see both in fellow mumpreneurs as well as my own work-life as I adjust to working life with two toddlers and a growing business. I realised that on returning to (paid) work, I had to create a business model that allowed me to have the family life I wanted, as well as a business that brought me a viable income. I also had to learn to value my own time and contribution to my business and my domestic life.

I hope that my piece will give you the guidance you need to evaluate your own business model and begin the process of helping you create an income stream whilst developing a business that doesn’t take over your life.

One step on the journey is to make a plan for yourself which outlines your goals, objectives and time-lines. Other sections of this book cover goal-setting in more detail so use this knowledge to think about what your strengths and weaknesses are, what approaches will suit your time, budget and target market, and  what your priorities are.

Preparing yourself means that you focus your valuable time and resources to further your goals without getting side-tracked or bogged down with other commitments. It is also a reminder of why you went into business – to provide your family with an income, to create a flexible environment so that you could spend more time with your family or even money for treats & luxuries for you and your loved ones.

We’ll start by working out your cost to your business. On a piece of paper, write down how many weeks you’d like to work over the next 12 months. Remember, you’re looking at creating a business model that allows you to balance your home and work life – you want a business that works for you not the other way round!

So, on that assumption, you might decide that you want to work during term times only. So, let’s say 40 weeks for ease of calculation. Next, how many days a week do you want to work?  Let’s say four days. How many hours a week? Let’s say 20 hours. That’s 800 hours in total.

You might have already set an income goal for yourself for the next 12 months, but again, for this example, let’s say £50,000 is your goal for this period. To work out your hourly rate (not your billable rate), divide your financial target, by the total hours you plan to work so in this case it would be £50,000 by 800. In this example, your hourly rate is £62.50 – your billable rate would usually be between 2 to 3.5 times this amount, so let’s say £187.50 if taken at three times.  Does this tangible figure surprise you…?

This approach might seem revolutionary to those self-employed people who are pricing to external factors. Pricing to internal factors allows you to first structure your business systems and processes and then concentrate your time & effort in finding the necessary number of clients who will allow you to meet your financial goals.

In this case, you’re looking at 266 clients over 12 months if taken at £187.50/hour but remember you’ll need fewer clients if you put together some bigger ticket, more value-laden offerings & packages amongst your services.

Now you’ve worked out your financial targets and working patterns, it will be easier to plan the necessary products and services you want to create.  Also remember, while you might be working for 20 hours a week, you won’t be using all this time in direct contact with your customers, you’ll be doing admin, marketing, research, book-keeping and other back-office functions. Or will you? Let’s review what you need to do for your business for it to function smoothly.

Make a list of all the things, large and small, that you do each day or week to maintain your business. Include things like filing, having sales conversations (i.e. talking to customers to sell them your goods and services), providing services to clients, creating content such as marketing material, designing, answering correspondence, dealing with emails and phone calls, cold-calling, presentations, preparing proposals, ordering stationery. Be sensible but ruthless, now’s the time to be looking at how you’re working so don’t leave things out.

It’s a list that most of you are doing on your own. But having just worked out your hourly cost to the business – £62.50 in this example, is it the best and most cost-effective use of your time…? If you now divide your list into high-leverage, medium-leverage and low-leverage activities, it becomes clear that as a business owner, you need to be concentrating your time on the high-leverage tasks such as having sales conversations, or holding presentations or working on billable work with clients which bring in the money.

This isn’t a validation to avoid filing and other boring admin tasks, as we all know that they need to be done. It’s a financial incentive for you to structure your business so that you can do what you do best but which also brings in the money. Outsourcing admin, book-keeping and other important but low-revenue producing tasks, allows you to spend that same time in doing the things that will earn you your target income.

A VA (virtual assistant), book-keeper, an admin helper who comes in once a week for a couple of hours to sort your paperwork (could even be the same person who does the book-keeping), these are part of the support structure you need to consider if you are going to be freely available to grow your business.  Remember, in this example, the billable rate was £187.50 – so an hour spent working with your client is clearly more profitable than the same hour spent filing.
Could your VA help you set up appointments so that all you need to do is hold your meeting or phone call and make the sale? Could they write your marketing copy, newsletter and update your blog, twitter and other social media platforms? Could your book-keeper/admin helper stuff the envelopes for your next mailing campaign? Could you automate some of your processes using technology?

What stops many small business owners from being successful and creating a business that works for them is their mind-set. Reasons range from not wanting to lose control (a resistance to delegate), a poor sense of time-management (they feel they can’t spare the time to train or monitor an assistant, to a reluctance to spend money. Successful business owners have moved beyond these internal restrictions and realise that they need to let go of their emotional baggage if they want to fly…

As a mumpreneur, you have an array of domestic duties to add to the list you’ve just created. Again, using the same principle, at £62.50/hour, what’s going to help your grow your business and allow you to spend time with your family?

Outsourcing domestic services such as ironing, cleaning, and baby-sitting/child-care and getting support from home-helps, etc. will mean that you can spend your time doing the things that are worth more to you, both emotionally and professionally.

Here, the additional mind-set restrictions we place on ourselves are even more complex, because they relate to our perceptions and feelings as women running our own homes as well as our businesses. We want to be able to do it all and do it well. Therein lies the problem – the inability to accept that one person cannot do it all and do it well.

Instead of being intimidated by stories of apparent superwomen who are combining business success with domestic goodness status, take a few minutes to see how they are achieving their success. Without doubt, you’ll find that they have a team of supporters around them in their domestic and professional lives which allow them the time and freedom to create their wealth and success. When you have your own team around you, you’ll be able to thrive too.

Having the right mind-set and the right support structure are two of your strongest assets and I know that with both in place, you’ll make every success of your business. Just by turning your contribution into a tangible figure as we’ve done today, you can see “you’re worth it”.

I hope that by reading this short piece, you’ll be able to work out at whether your business model is taking over your life. By confirming how you want to work, when you want to work, how much you need to charge and what you need to be doing to make these changes work for you, you’ve begun important first steps on your journey to that work-life balance you want to create.  Enjoy the journey!

Sumi Olson is a consultant, mentor, trainer, speaker and author who works with SME owners, solopreneurs, mumpreneurs and freelancers/professionals who are interested in business growth and development. Addressing internal barriers to success as well as business processes, Sumi started Olson Sales & Marketing Services to allow her to offer her 25 years’ experience in sales, marketing and business development in a way that gives value to her clients whilst allowing her to spend time with her young family. You can reach her via sumi@olsonservices.co.uk or visit www.olsonservices.co.uk.

This is one of a series of  guest blogs from successful mumpreneurs and coaches that will be published on this site every day during March. Please look at some of the other fabulous posts that we have published over the last few days.

To receive a daily notification of the blog of the day, please sign up for the Mummy Mentoring Month newsletter at Motivating Mum.

by Fiona Muir

Whether you are for the most part a planner or someone who prefers to “go with the flow”, there are times in all our lives when things happen which are seemingly out of our control and it can feel as if we’ve been put through the spin cycle on the washing machine a couple of times, dropped on a treadmill at fast speed and been chucked 100 balls to juggle in front of a watching crowd.

The first thing we have to do once we recognise that we’re in a situation like this is, metaphorically step off the treadmill, put down the balls, turn our back to the crowd and get our balance back.

So, what can you do today, right this moment to help combat Overwhelm?

As overwhelm can be experienced as a physical, spiritual and psychological state, it helps to do physical spiritual and mental and emotional exercises in order to become unstuck and move forward.

Physical Jump-Start Exercise

Firstly, centre yourself physically; you might be all in your head at this moment of Overwhelm.  Just take a quick moment to observe where your shoulders are at the moment.  If they are somewhere around your ears, consciously drop them down and take 10 deep breaths from your abdomen, breathing slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Spiritual Jump-Start Exercise

From a spiritual point of if you have a belief in a higher power you’ll probably find it helpful to take a short time to hand over the things you know are out with your control to your higher power through prayer, freeing you up to concentrate on taking action on the things that are within your control.

Psychological Jump-Start Exercise

If you find you have a problem that keeps running through your thoughts and taking over your headspace and draining your energy, take control and if there is nothing you can do immediately to solve it, make an appointment to allow yourself to think about it for half an hour at a future allotted time e.g. 10 o’clock tomorrow morning and make a promise to yourself to consciously put the situation out of your mind until that time and concentrate on taking action on things you can change or move forwards today.

Watch your “internal chatter” very carefully at this point.  This is the things we say to ourselves and these can be very destructive and add to the feelings of overwhelm e.g. be observant for thoughts such as “I can’t believe you’ve got yourself into this mess again, it’s your own fault, you’ll never learn, you’re always letting people down”.  These thoughts are counterproductive, it might seem strange at first but make an effort to change your internal chatter to the kind and supportive way you’d react to someone you love who came to you with the same situation e.g. “I’m sorry you’re so stressed, I know you don’t like being in this situation, It’s not ideal but you will get through it and learn from it, I love you and have every confidence in you.  Who and what will help you the most right now?” This takes time and practise but is deeply empowering and there are many coaching tools to help you observe and change your negative self talk for the better.

Examine the Juggling Balls…Are they Needs or Wants?

Next, it helps to look at each of the balls at our feet and decide which of them you absolutely have to pick up.  To do this, it is important to examine them and to differentiate between the needs and the wants.

Wikipedia defines needs as, “A need is something that is necessary for organisms to live a healthy life. Needs are distinguished from wants because a deficiency would cause a clear negative outcome, such as dysfunction or death. Needs can be objective and physical, such as food, or they can be subjective and psychological, such as the need for self-esteem. On a societal level, needs are sometimes controversial. Understanding needs and wants is an issue in the fields of politics, social science, and philosophy.”

With clients I’ll often use a wheel of life tool which helps them break down their life into its component parts, to find out what is and isn’t working for them in their lives.  Your life’s component parts might look something like this:

My Life………..What matters most today?

• my body
• my mind & emotions
• my soul
• my children
• my home
• my finances
• my vocation
• my hobbies & interests
• my partner
• my relations
• my friendships
• my community

If you take a short time out to identify your needs for today in each area it will pay dividends.  Fast forward your mind to the end of today and identify what actions you could take today to make the biggest difference to your peace of mind and quality of sleep.

“What” questions are sometimes referred to as Wisdom Access questions in coaching.  For example, concentrating on your physical body ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What does my body need?
• What  4 things can I do today that will have the greatest positive impact.

Then write down the answers in your action list.  Do the same for each area and you will have a list for the day

In might seem counter intuitive when you have so much on and are overwhelmed but it does help to take time out to do something that energises you and/or meet up with someone who energises you.  Also, the opposite is true; when you’re operating in crisis mode, gently and kindly avoid situations and people who are a drain on your energy until you’re back on track.

As always, prevention is better than cure so take time to write down your observations from this case of Overwhelm and jot down what worked for you and helped you through it and use this information as the start of a crisis plan so that you can be as prepared as possible for the next time you have too many balls to juggle.

Becoming aware of your strengths and weaknesses, your needs and wants and what does and does not energise you will help you when you’re overwhelmed.  You might want to consider working with a coach or attending a coaching workshop to work on your own personal crisis plan and perhaps one for your family so that, when something big happens in your life that you can’t control you have something to refer to or to refer others to to support you in physical, spiritual, mental, emotional and practical ways as you walk through that part of the journey of your life.

I hope you find some of these techniques useful as you juggle the various balls in your life right now.

Fiona Muir is the founder of Fab Life Coaching, part of Fab Communication.  Fiona is a fully accredited coach with over 20 years corporate experience devising and implementing marketing and growth strategies for a wide range of individuals and organisations; from sole traders and starter SME’s to blue chip organisations across all sectors.   Prior to launching Fab Life Coaching and Fab Communication, Fiona’s corporate experience was gained at a variety of levels including: student, executive, manager, director and co-owner of a successful SME.  www.fablifecoaching.co.uk

This blog is one of 45 featured in my ebook  Motivating Business Mums – now available from Brightword publishing.

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by Heather Bestel

I often get asked to explain exactly what a mumpreneur is.  Is she a woman in business?  Is she an entrepreneur who happens to be a mum?

I believe mumpreneurs are a whole breed apart.  We are born out of many needs, wishes, dreams, desires and yearnings:

• The need to earn a living in order to support our family
• The wish to find a flexible solution to our complex needs
• The dream of being creative and expressing our talents
• The desire to be recognised for our skills
• The yearning to have our full potential realised

The answer to all these needs, dreams and wishes creates this wonderful role of being our own boss, owning and running our own business.  Sounds like heaven – but comes at a price because being a mumpreneur is not the easy option.

Being a mumpreneur is a 24/7 serious business.  Just like being a mum – we are never ‘off duty’.  When a child wakes in the night with a pain, we know because we’ve woken seconds before.  We are programmed to be ever watchful whether for a problem with our children or an issue in our business.

Being a mumpreneur is about wearing so many different hats and being able to change them at a moment’s notice.

Being a mumpreneur is a very delicate job of juggling and balancing many things and is about so much more …

It’s about:

• Being brave
• Being creative
• Being focused
• Being determined
• Being passionate
• Being persistent
• Being the best we can be

It’s also about motivating yourself and nurturing yourself at the same time.

To do all this and be all this, we need to take care of ourselves and find time for total self care, so start today by taking just ten minutes to connect with your inner self and tell her she is loved, appreciated, recognised and you are so proud of what she’s achieved.

Then, every day, take a moment to remember how totally amazing you are!

Heather Bestel is a mumpreneur, therapist, lecturer, author and award winning business mentor.  She has a lot of experience through running her own company and as a mentor for others, especially start-up mums.

Mums Got A Business.com was set up to help mumpreneurs grow their business while creating a balanced lifestyle.  It’s full of info, tips and resources from experts on a variety of subjects such as: social media, marketing, finance, productivity, getting on-line and extreme self care.

http://www.MumsGotABusiness.com

This is one of a series of  guest blogs from successful mumpreneurs and coaches that will be published on this site every day during March. Please look at some of the other fabulous posts that we have published over the last few days.

To receive a daily notification of the blog of the day, please sign up for the Mummy Mentoring Month newsletter at Motivating Mum. This newsletter will run three times a week during March and April and will then be discontinued, so you will not receive endless spam.

by Alison Tinlin

Sometimes in the hustle , bustle of party and wedding planning , we sometimes forget ourselves.
We get so carried away with arrangements and the busy busy busy that we don’t take enough time for us.

I will give you the advice that anybody would , in that it is important to eat well, drink plenty of water, take a little light exercise if you can ,and if you think you need it, take a multivitamin.

Once a week, take a night out for you (like you would with date night, when its just you and him) and just chill.

Run a bubble bath, give yourself a home manicure and pedicure, put on a facemask, exfoliate and paint those nails.

Light the candles , have a glass of wine, put on your favourite music and read that trashy romance novel.

Like taking a step back, and prioritising the importance of your relationship, you need to do the same thing for yourself.

Make yourself a priority today !!

Alison Tinlin is a Wedding and Event Planner, based in Glasgow, Scotland.  You can see her website Plans and Presents or contact her at alisontinlin@plansandpresents.vpweb.co.uk

This is one of a series of 31 guest blogs from successful mumpreneurs and coaches that will be published on this site every day during March. Please look at some of the other fabulous posts that we have published over the last few days.

To receive a daily notification of the blog of the day, please sign up for the Mummy Mentoring Month newsletter at Motivating Mum. This newsletter will run daily during March only and will then be discontinued, so you will not receive endless spam.

by Bernadette King, Peaceful Practice

The causes of back pain  and problems are many and varied and may not necessarily be as a result of accident or injury but a complex combination of factors;

• your genetic background
• your work, leisure activities, home (including mattress and pillow)
• your transportation
• your family life
• your emotional disposition, tragedies, triumphs, hopes, dreams
• your body weight and  fat distribution
• your nutrition
• medical or recreational drugs, including cigarettes
• pregnancies and labour

Viewing back pain as a condition isolated from the rest of your life may prevent you from changing certain habits that may be actually perpetuating  the pain. Your spine is an integral component of your whole being. And your whole body affects your back.

The function of the spine is also effected by the alignment, strength & flexibility of other parts of the body, including foot, knee & leg alignment (for example pigeon toed, flat feet),   muscular strength in the legs, buttocks and abdominal wall, the position of the pelvis (tilted forward, back or to either side), the shape of the lumbar curve and so on.

Your whole day also affects your back, with every activity having either potential benefits or harm associated with it. It is necessary to carefully observe the effect of everything that you do, including sleeping positions, driving, household chores, even watching TV and reading..

To be most effective, back care is not to be confined just to exercise time, but incorporated into a way of life.. If you suspect that your back pain is related to poor posture and body mechanics whilst at work (8 hours), commuting (say 2 hours), sleeping (8 hrs), watching TV (2 hrs) then 2 hours of therapeutic exercise  cant make up for 20 hrs of destructive movement patterns.

Correcting poor posture, however, is possible, as are strengthening and stretching practices , suitable for one’s own current needs and not what one wishes those needs were!

Common low back pain

Sacroiliac pain is caused by prolonged stress on or misalignment of the sacroiliac joints on either side of the base of the spine. It is a joint (bone) pain but can also be experienced in the groin, back of the thigh and lower abdomen. Therapeutic exercises stretch the buttocks, hamstrings & lower back muscles as well as strengthening the hip girdle muscles and the abdominal muscles to support the front of the spine.

Sciatica is felt deep in the buttock near the sacroiliac joint, extending down the back of the leg, along the big sciatic nerve.Sometimes both pains can coexist together.

In your yoga practice, pain is NOT gain.  Sensations may depend on your current health-physical & mental/emotional.

It is important to modify stretches that produce either numbness or the sharp, electric shock-like sensations of nerve pain, not necessarily to avoid those stretches  altogether. Stretches should be held at a tolerable level for 15-20 seconds, if working mainly therapeutically,  in order for the muscle to get the message to relax & lengthen. They can be held for longer for a more spiritual practice or if the stretch feels beneficial.

For either physical or spiritual practice, the use of the breath is an integral way of  helping to release and encourage muscles to lengthen; to release emotional tension, which may have resulted in the physiological symptoms and also to see discomfort in a more detached way, examining how you react to it

It is also possible to be over flexible! This usually goes together with muscular weakness. Yoga can bring about a better balance between the two.

We need to be careful, in our yoga practice that we neither emphasise those stretches or postures which are “easy” nor avoid those which we consider we are “not good at” This can result in a lot of physiological and energetic imbalances.

Prolonged pain, after any exercise,  calls for the routine to be revaluated. Was the practice too long? were the movements too intense? Were individual postures held too long or held in poor alignment?

This is where yoga also teaches us the abiding principle of all forms of yoga practice-AHIMSA (non violence or harmlessness). If you need to rest, modify, reduce the time you hold a stretch, use props , and so on then it is important to do so, always be mindful of your inner response. Bear in mind that if you are taking any pain relieving or anti inflammatory medication, then your body will not be receiving accurate feedback  regarding the sensations it is experiencing.

DEALING WITH STRESS

• Learn to pace yourself
• Learn to say no
• Learn to assert yourself when it comes to getting what you need to take care of yourself.
• Get enough sleep
• Allow enough time for relaxation techniques
• Allow enough time for gentle muscle stretching
• Ensure you get proper nourishment
• Decrease or eliminate your intake of stress inducing substances. Consult your GP before reducing,/discontinuing any prescription meds. Maybe devise a schedule with them to safely decrease your intake.

Bernadette
www.peacefulpractice.co.uk

This is one of a series of 31 guest blogs from successful mumpreneurs and coaches that will be published on this site every day during March. Please look at some of the other fabulous posts that we have published over the last few days.

To receive a daily notification of the blog of the day, please sign up for the Mummy Mentoring Month newsletter at Motivating Mum. This newsletter will run daily during March only and will then be discontinued, so you will not receive endless spam.

Most of you will know that in my spare time I sing in a choir – I try not to bang on about it too much, as I know what I do probably bores the pants off most people, but sometimes the odd comment just trickles out. (OK spurts out, especially on Twitter!). It’s my own little bit of me time, the thing I do for myself, which has nothing to do with either my family or my work.  It keeps me sane.

I can honestly say that standing on stage after a successful concert and accepting the applause from a packed house, is one of the most uplifting things that I have been lucky enough to experience. I know the singing is a team effort but the knowledge that I have performed well and helped to make all these people happy is just wonderful.

I had one such concert a few weeks ago. Everything went according to plan and by the end of it I felt proud of our efforts and very happy to accept the applause.  Even better, in the pub afterwards, the musical director thanked me personally for something specific that I had done in the concert. My happiness was complete. He is a lovely man, and I’m sure he compliments most of the choir members, but his words really made me feel special.

Then this week, I received an email from a reader. She wasn’t asking for anything nor selling anything,  just wanted to tell me that she enjoyed reading the site. That email made my day too, as did the large number of happy comments following last month’s very succesful blog carnival.

So I’m feeling truly loved up at the moment. And I have realised that a few words of specific targeted praise, when it is justified, can do huge amounts for people. I’ve been feeling good all week, because people have taken the time to tell me how much they like what I’m doing.

So I’m paying it forward – praise benefits the giver as well as the receiver. I’ve been making sure to praise and thank people whenever I think it is justified. Some of it is just common manners of course, but now and again you can praise somebody for something they did that they didn’t even realise you had noticed, and then you see the light of happiness come on within them. It makes everyone feel good.

In a season of alternately cold and grey weather, and an economic climate that would dampen the most optimistic spirit, a few well-chosen words can really brighten up someone’s day.

Today is Valentine’s Day, when the card industry tell us we should be buying expensive cards and presents for our loved ones.  My daughter has made little tokens for her schoolmates, and for me, dad and her brother – those melted my heart too with her little personal message of love just to me. I gave my husband a card and he gave me one – so far so normal.

But I’m going to go one step further this year, and send out little texts, tweets and messages, of specific and sincere praise and appreciation.  It means more to me than a random box of chocs and bunch of flowers, and is the best way I know to spread a little love, which is after all what Valentines Day is all about.

Those of you that follow me on facebook or twitter will have noticed a change in my avatar over the last week – thank you so much for the favourable comments, guys! I’ll be rolling it out to the rest of my online presence very soon. The photos were taken by Trish Gant of Little Gems Photography, who is running a very reasonable headshot offer until Valentines Day.

Trish is best known for taking pictures of families and pets in her Little Gems business, but she also showed me some of her other work, including some promotional shots of food for an upcoming recipe book (watch this space for a review when it comes out!). She is definitely a multi-talented lady, with a lovely small studio in Walton-on-Thames.

I’m not a natural in front of the camera. When I was young I was teased for not being able to smile nicely and I’m afraid my inhibitions have stuck with me. Nowadays at home, I tend to wield the camera whenever possible, and you will find very few shots of me anywhere, apart from at my wedding when I didn’t get any choice in the matter.

The experience of being photographed in a studio for a professional headshot was fun but I will confess to finding it a little bit strange in parts. Trish asked me “what image do you want to portray to your readers?” and I must admit the question had me stumped. Generally I don’t give any thought to my own “image” at all.

I’m not in the least bit vain, and where possible I wear clothes for comfort rather than fashion, and leave my hair loose rather than ‘style’ it. Of course when I worked in accounting I wore the suit and the smart shoes, and even the make up, when I felt I had to. It wasn’t really me, but certainly 20 years ago, a woman just had to follow the herd…

When I stopped work and had my children I was extremely grateful to move into the mummy uniform of jeans or tracky bottoms and some kind of casual top. That felt a bit more like the real me after so long stuffed into a suit. In the early days of motherhood, my “image”, like so many new mums, consisted of a random item of clothing on every part of my body – if you were lucky some of them might co-ordinate and if you were very lucky you might catch me without a baby-related stain somewhere or other……

I have to confess that some days I haven’t really moved on from that new mum image (thankfully the baby-related stains are mostly gone now that the little ones are 6 and 8!) I am trying to find a style that is still very much mummy but maybe a little bit more co-ordinated – some days I get it, some days I don’t….

The picture on my Cambridge page, which used to be my facebook and twitter avatar until recently, was taken when I had just lost all of my weight and was really pleased with myself. I’m kind of hoping it says health and vitality – or something like that….

And Trish’s pictures? I’m not exactly sure what they are saying. Confident, happy approachable – that’s sort of what I was aiming for. I think I am all these things, but how to encompass it in a facial expression and mannerism? I found it very difficult indeed and I think she has done a fantastic job against huge odds to capture me.

I’d be interested to know what people think looking at these pictures. Some of you will know me and some not, but what are these pictures saying to you? Maybe I’ll find out more about my image than I could have guessed…?